Going crazy – A Confession

by rwstracy

Let me get this out of the way right off the bat. There, Ive already violated my first two rules for Blogging: Don’t start out by talking about yourself (who cares?) and Don’t use cliché expressions (extra demerits for three-in-a-row). My third rule is Don’t overuse parenthetical expressions but I’ve given up on that one. I can’t stop myself, and it really ticks me off that Apple made it so hard to use them on iPads. I’ll try to do better on the cliché thing.

There are probably many good reasons for starting a Blog that promises an answer to the human condition ( we are All going crazy) with a paragraph of one-liners. My reason was probably due to a perverse philosophy I acquired from some unknown author who said: *Rules are for those not wise enough to make up their own*. I try to moderate that attitude by pairing it with another from Lt. Callahan (AKA Dirty Harry) : * A man’s got to know his own limitations*. I give myself a B+ on the first but not so good on the second. A better reason for starting out with a joke is that Life is funny (if only in retrospect) and I’m convinced that even God loves to laugh.

So, without further ado (dang it!) …

I Once saw him, God I mean. Even back then it was not my first awareness of the Creator. At age 25 I was already convinced of his (or her,as you wish) existence so I didn’t know why he chose this occasion to personally confront me like that. I could cushion the blow and try to save some shred of credibility by saying it was a dream (it happened at night) but that would be a lie. But if it helps I’ll tell it as if it were true.

It began without any lead in or introduction. When I was a kid my dreams had elaborate beginnings; the scene would fade in gradually and they often had titles spelled out in 3D block letters that scrolled up into the sky like in a Star Wars movie. Sometimes there was even music that fit the theme of what was to follow. This wasn’t like that. It began like someone striking an arc with a welding machine just inches in front of my face. Naturally, my eyes automatically snapped shut and I averted them by looking down. The awareness of the situation came instantly; I was standing in front of God. Shutting my eyes had no effect on my ability to sense him there in front of me. It was as if my entire body could see light.

There was No music and no dialog either; all communication took place in emotions that came out of nowhere. My first one was of being somewhat embarrassed by my cloths; shorts and T-shirt didn’t seem right to meet God in. That thought was wiped away immediately with assurance from him that it didn’t matter.

My neighbor Jimmy, who was one of three people I’ve told, explained that it was because God loves us unconditionally. I did in fact feel very loved during the encounter but I definitely got the message that what we think mattered a great deal to him and that love has its reasons and is definitely not blind. What specific thoughts I had had was not spelled out to me but I experienced a wave of approval for them that was humbling in its intensity, coming as it were, from Him.

To make the telling even more embarrassing, Jesus then came from somewhere to my right and placed a white robe around me. Jesus had the exact same presence as God. Not that I felt dismissed but I knew the encounter was over then.

Jimmy explained the robe as Jesus covering our sins so that we could be forgiven and that they appeared the same because Jesus is God. My natural inclination is to debate stereotypical answers but my neighbor seemed really happy with his interpretation so I let it go. Sin had never come up in the meeting and there were definitely two separate entities there with me. I’m just telling it like it happened.

It was’t the starting point but I think it did mark a significant milestone in my personal journey of going crazy.